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Focal Point - for publishing-12/08/03

Anger- Unasked questions

There are many web sites that give you the opportunity to click on to a FAQ list. For those who are not fully computer literate, FAQ means frequently asked questions. As I think through aspects of human behavior, I think of a list of 'unasked' questions. Take the ever-increasing problem of anger in its rampant form. This is a major problem with many men in our community. There are many questions that they simply don't ask. Consumed with the process of being angry, they neglect questions such as, "why am I angry?" "What is blocking the path to something that I want that gives way to an angry response?" & "What am I doing that is inappropriate in my endeavor to get through or around the object that is blocking my path?" Let me explain that behavior. A toddler with mum in the supermarket sees a chocolate frog or something similar and asks, or 'demands' that he or she be given the frog. Mum says no and the toddler hits the floor in a screaming tantrum as a result. The path to what was wanted, (the frog) was blocked, (by mum) and inappropriate behavior followed. Of course the child does not understand the need for modified behavior until or unless it is learned. Many adults go through that same indulgent, manipulative childlike process in order to resolve their anger or frustration as a result of not being able to achieve their goals. In adulthood the chocolate frog gets replaced, for example, by a relationship that is lost and cannot be retrieved, or a loss of a job that blocks a career path. Generally there is a loss of some kind and a fear of what lays ahead. This drives insecurity and anxiety that can lead to inappropriate ways of releasing what is the normal human emotion, anger. The journey to overcoming this inappropriate expression requires first an admission of the need to make a correction to ones life and a desire to seek help. In the helping process, a counsellor may encourage the person to look at the 'obvious visual piece of the iceberg', and explore what lays below the surface. The counsellor may also assist in the exploration of management strategies that can be put in place to modify and control the inappropriate behavior. Do it for yourself and those around you, ask the hard questions and make that phone call. Ring 0409 517273 for Valley Care Counselling Service - working for our community.


Focal Point Yarra Valley 2009