'All you need is love', sang the Beatles, but after thirty years or so we may well ask, is that so? Many songs have been written about 'lurve'. Lost love, bruised love, forbidden love and the type of love that could make a grown man cry, or be sick. Two months ago I wrote of relationships being entered into without a foundational knowledge of what love really is. I'm still thinking much about the subject as I counsel those with breaking marriages and those full of optimism in their pre-marriage training. I have been reading a helpful book on relationships entitled 'The Five Love Languages' by Gary Chapman. Gary is a marriage counsellor and a well-respected author of fifteen books on related subjects. The key proposition in the book is that each of us has a primary love language that we feel most at home with when we want to give and receive love. When our language is spoken we will know. My wife sometimes says to me, 'Why do I bother talking to you, I might as well be speaking a foreign language'. She's right, it's probably not my language. Now if she approaches me with my language, she has my attention. Chapman identifies the five 'languages' as; 1/ Words of Affirmation, 2/ Quality Time, 3/ Receiving Gifts, 4/ Acts of Service and 5/ Physical Touch. He contends that to keep the love tank full we need to be nourishing our partners with the language that they can best understand. Have a think about what might fill your tank and the tank of your partner. He says that we can and should learn other languages, but will always be most comfortable with our own. This book may be a helpful tool to assist you in finding a better love for your relationship. Let me finish with the Christian Bible's definition of love. "Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, nor self-serving, is not easily angered and it keeps no record of wrongs. It always protects, hopes, trusts and perseveres and never fails". Read St Paul's first letter to the Corinthians Church, chapter thirteen for more.
Chapman's book can be purchased from Collins at Chirnside Park.