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Life Journey Reflections » Reflection Stories

  • Reflection Stories


We need to feel more
to understand others.
We need to love more
to be loved back.
We need to cry more
to cleanse ourselves.
We need to laugh more
to enjoy others.
We need to see more
other than our own
    little fantasies.
We need to hear more
and listen to the needs
    of others.
We need to give more
and take less.
We need to share more
and own less.
We need to look more
and realize that we are
    not so different
    from one another.
We need to create a world
where all can
    peacefully live the
    life they choose.

Susan Polis Schutz



PARDON MY REALITY


What happens when my Reality collides with another?

The first thing to do, I suppose, is to stop. To take stock. Try to avoid "Reality Rage". Kind of like Road Rage, but encompassing realities past, present, possible, potential... desired... you get the idea. 
Definitely a recipe for Rage.

The second is a Reality check. Is my Reality valid? Does it work when I drive in a world full of Realities, or is it more of an "Off-road Reality"- good for recreational purposes, but cumbersome, or expensive and impractical for every-day use? Will this Reality take me from home, to work and back again? Does it handle the children well? What about in-laws? And...dare I ask it... Spouses?

Is it a Reality that worked well in the past but now really needs to be updated? Or... let's face it... maybe it never really handled well but we've clung to it from a misguided sense of loyalty, or simply because we never got around to shopping for a better one! After all, even shopping with an errant and wayward Reality in tow can be a traumatic experience!
Maybe we inherited it from our parents, or maybe it was the first one we saw on the shelf, never tried it on for size but liked the "colour"?

If "Reality" checks out, what caused the Head-on, Sparks and Gunpowder type of collision? After all, let's face it, we all experience the occasional side-swipe or graze against another Reality... But Wow!

Well now, let's face it.. I can check out MY Reality, YOU can check out your Reality, but... Have you ever attempted to check out another person's Reality for them?

As a sincere and concerned Reality Driver, of course.

One of long-standing, no doubt! "Listen mate, I've been driving my Reality since before you (or yours) were born!"

Hmmmmmmmmm...

Maybe a subtle hint (note: this does not include "Hey Mate, get a Reality Check!" Take it from me, this does not go down well with Reality Lovers of any persuasion!) a gentle suggestion or cheerful recommendation- "Hey Buddy, Check out the new Reality! Works great! Handled the kids, Uncle Harry and Grandma without batting an eyelid! Works great with the Boss, too. You wanna drive?"

Maybe.
In Reality (pardon the pun) all I can suggest is, maintain your Reality, service it regularly, stick to your own side of the road, and... when you see an Alternate Reality weaving your way, (you know, the BIG flashy red ones!) get out of the way.
Drive cautiously 'round those pink ones too. They tend to stall.

Cheerio, I'm off to check out that funny noise in the gearbox. The indicator light suggests too MUCH gear.

Now, how could that be?

D 26/06/02



Ponderings- I went "inside" tonight, and asked the child some questions. This is what she said.

Fear

What do I fear? Apart from "everything"? 
In the car: I fear "bad things happening". 
What "bad things"?
(1) Getting booked for speeding or not obeying road rules
(2) having an accident and (1)
(3) Being sued or charged with something for doing something "bad" and spending years paying it off
(4) Hurting or killing somebody (that would be VERY bad)

I fear debt. I fear not being able to pay debts, owing anyone money (or anything else) and the power that it would give them over me. Not paying what you owe is "bad". It is cheating. Someone might get angry. I might be shamed by having a service cut off. People might feel I am not a good person.

I get scared of angry people, especially angry people who believe they are right and I am wrong. What if they ARE right? Does that mean my beliefs or "thinks" are wrong? Does that mean I am wrong? Do they have the right to get angry at me because I disagree? What if I am right? If I stand by my beliefs they may get angry (or more angry) and I will be unacceptable (translate: Bad). I may be "on the outside of the door"- see poem "Wrong Side of the Door".

I feel afraid socially- afraid that if they really knew me I would be "unacceptable"- especially with other women, with whom I often feel "different" and unalike. I don't want to be like many women I know. I don't want to sit with the Mums and talk about "our kids", I get bored at ladies meetings and "go inside" to think or "read" poetry or paint or listen to music or whatever. This is not good. This is antisocial. I should listen to people. I should make them feel good.
Often I don't want to be good. I don't want to have to make someone else feel good, when they could do it themselves. I suspect this proves I am not a good person, even though I am happy to help someone feel good (or at least, a little better) if I sense that they are too hurt or crumpled to do it themselves. Mostly I would rather be talking about (or doing) abseiling, rock-climbing, scuba diving, sky-diving, horse riding, or other fun things (that don't include teams or competitions, because I hate the thought of letting the team down or failing.) Other women think this is weird, or make a fuss of me "You're so BRAVE! I would NEVER do something like that!!" When this happens, I feel uneasy; maybe I am different in a "not so good way". I want to be different from what I see around me because I want to be just ME, but not to attract displeasure, or disapproval. If they disapprove they might make me "fit in". I rarely admit that I like to sew or crochet- this would make me one of them. Maybe they would expect me to be MORE like them. Maybe they would try to MAKE me more like them. Girly... weak and helpless, waiting for a nice man to save me. (It is very frustrating to admit to myself that I can't do some things. Okay, many things. And, yes, it is nice when someone comes and helps. But I don't want to expect them to or hope for them to do so.) If they don't, maybe it was because I wasn't worth it. That's bad.

Um... what else? Well, I fear not being able to protect those under my protection- the children, my pets... I fear being too scared to protect them, too intimidated to stand between them and someone who wants to hurt them.
I fear giving up and walking away and regretting it later on... I fear quitting, when if I'd only held on a little longer, or tried a little harder, things would have worked out... giving up hope and stopping caring or loving- I never want to stop caring and trying and loving. To do that would be to lose myself.
I don't want to put on weight. Weight is bad. Weight is your husband finding you unattractive, and falling in love with someone else, your sisters reminding you that you "once looked like a model, but look at you now..." Weight is your father calling you "tubby" in front of people. 

I don't want to look voluptuous and curvaceous- men might want to seduce me and hurt me. I want to look strong and capable, mainly because inside I'm afraid I'm not. If people think I'm weak and easily pushed, they might push me. I don't want them to push, just in case.
I AM TERRIFIED OF SOMEONE TRYING TO FORCE THEIR WILL ON ME OR MAKE ME SOMETHING I AM NOT. If I am not, I can only pretend, to please them, and then, sooner or later I will fail and disappoint them. Then they will tell me I am not who they thought I was, and they won't want me. Or I won't fail them for a long time but I won't like me any more, and then I won't want to be there. Then I would try to escape. That would be bad. When I run away from things I make a mess of everything, and hurt everybody, most of all myself. 
If I don't do what they want, then they may find me unacceptable. Unacceptable is bad, mainly because I fear that I am.
Most of all, I fear being useless. Not counting for something. Being "wishy-washy". Looking at God and seeing nothing at the end of life that I can give to him, to thank him for giving me life. I don't want to waste it all. 






 

Focal Point Yarra Valley 2009